2 HOW WOULD YOU KNOW

Early spring days. High-rise buildings, cars, loudly rushing ambulances, cyclists, and fast-walking people - usual sounds and observations of the fast-paced capital city.

She glanced both ways and ran across the street.

He was standing on the other side, waiting for her.

It was their first meeting in real life - simultaneous warm “Hi”, light smile, eye contact. Suddenly growing an unspeakable feeling of mutual attraction and understanding that they like each other. Chemistry of youthfulness. Probably, this is how it feels what people call it “when the universe emerges” - a feeling that shows up as an inner gut knowing, a deep sense of resonance, or a quiet certainty that something is deeply true.

He is about to finish typing his email.

She says: Watch out. You’ve gotta be careful, there are many phone snatchers around.

Vincent: Hahah, no worries, I’m a good runner. It actually happened to me last week, and I managed to catch the guy who tried to steal my phone. Even though I was drunk after the party, I was still faster than him.

Ivy: Oh wow, that is impressive, you’re a fast runner indeed.

They spent the whole day together. Shared ramen, wandering around the city, touching the grass in the park. Their conversations were easy, broad, and endless - about everything and nothing: what is going on in their lives right now, what books they read, what their upbringings were like, their current views on life, and desires, of course. It is a date after all.

Vincent: You know, when I was a teenager, I was into a lot of activities. I loved playing sports, but at some point retired because of my injury. An unfortunate comminuted fracture which led me to a long recovery. In fact, I needed to rethink my career trajectory because of it. I received a lot of support and encouragement, discovered music, started playing instruments, performed on stage, and was at the top of my class, studying hard and falling in love with science. My father, though, was never satisfied and got easily angry at me, no matter what I did. Not going to lie, over time I realised I was doing it all only because I was showing off and wanted status.

Ivy: Hm, I see. It must have been difficult. Do you still find yourself drawn to these things? You mentioned you’re changing your job right now. How about that?

Vincent: I guess it is fine. I really hate having all these high-level conversations with my peers. Most of the time, they are so boring and go around in circles. On the flip side, I think people are just so stupid. Even when I talk to my friends from school, I don’t talk much about what I do. I’m an academic. I just say that I “test the soil”, I don’t think they would understand what I actually do.

Ivy: Hm… Why? Isn’t sharing knowledge pretty exciting? Have you ever tried to tell them more about what you actually do?

Vincent: I think they’re unwilling to learn. People are idiots.

Ivy caught herself thinking in silence, not knowing what she wanted to turn the conversation into. A minute later, breaking the pause, Vincent continues:

Vincent: Well, what about you? What was your life like?

Ivy: Hmm… You know, I can’t unsee what I’ve seen.

Vincent: Um… Where does this mindset come from?

Ivy: There is really no definite moment. My life happened to evolve in this way - combination of unreliable caregivers and chaotic surroundings. I started noticing the bigger picture of the world around me pretty early: how turbulent, immense, harsh, broad, and beautiful it is.

In high school, I lost my closest relative because of a terminal illness. These were a few tough years for my family, and tough for me as a young person.

During my university time I was prioritising volunteering work and societal needs. I was young, naive, loud, and wanted to fight for the values of others, rather than thinking and making choices in favour of my own future. I didn’t manage to complete my degree in the end.

And then later, the expansion of the war in my country, which is still ongoing. It was much more than an average person of my age would be able to take over the course of their timeline.

Vincent: Wow, that’s a lot to deal with. I feel like I’ve never had so many troubles in my life to be honest. I don’t really understand what you mean by societal needs.

Ivy: Yeah, occasionally I’m feeling incomplete and behind in my life. From a rigid societal perspective, I really am. I don’t fit into general brackets, and people who tend to judge by surface level only label me as stupid, because I didn’t finish my degree. I believe education is important, but not for the sake of credentials and status only, rather for knowledge itself and social cohesion. You know, eventually I managed to reflect on my own conditions and capacities. I changed perspectives, and began to understand others better. I developed a passion for protecting nature, and my career evolved around restoration of wild habitats and natural processes. I truly love what I do. Going through all of these events made me resilient, but deep inside, all I want is to be able to rely on other people no less than they usually rely on me.

Vincent: I think you should not listen to people who judge you. There is no real reasoning or adequate critique. I know it is common in academia. In general, people tend to be more self-centered, fight for positions, and rarely do they get curious about others. Conversely, I must say academia can be a boon - in some ways, it is a safe space. If you’re smart enough, you can find support and resources for your area of research, especially if it is theoretical.

Ivy: Ah, haha, interesting. Earlier, you called people idiots, but I see more perspectives from you now. Don’t you think theoretical knowledge can be out of touch with the real world?

Vincent: I don’t know. This question didn’t cross my mind. I need more time to think about it.

The evening got colder. He took her hand in the pocket of his jacket. It felt nice. They were both in their early 30s, running through the city like children with a forgotten feeling of freedom and carefreeness.

Ivy: What do good relationships look like to you?

Vincent: If I’m honest, I feel unlucky, especially with my previous relationships. I tend to think it was all just pure chemistry and chemistry only. I was absorbed to the extent that I lost myself.

Ivy: Hah, that’s funny. I actually don’t believe in luck. I believe in a mutual effort though. And I can tell you’re a hard-working person. Although chemistry is core, past experiences, environment, culture, and how your personal biology unfolded play an important role.

Vincent: My impression is that the only thing you must look at is who you are now as a human, regardless of your past experiences and the way you evolved. So what is your point then? What do you want from your partner?

Ivy: Oh, hmm, I’m interested in someone who treats himself and people around him kindly. Um… do you want to create a family? And what about children?

Vincent: Eventually, yes, one day. I will be a good father. I don’t tend to think a lot about this matter. How would you know whether you’ll end up with this exact person as your partner? You can't predict the future.

Ivy: Well, I only know something about myself - how I would like to feel with my partner and what behaviours I’m not willing to accept. Also, I believe love is universal and must be shared. This is why I’m thinking of adopting a kid one day.

Vincent: Wow, I never thought about it. Although I can’t imagine how you can love a kid you didn’t create yourself, I feel nice about this idea. Now I think I want to feel safe and at peace. I just want to have my beer after a long workday.

Ivy: I believe everyone needs and wants to have a safe space and peace. Are you willing to be the first to share it?

Vincent: Naah, I believe you’ve gotta love yourself first. By all means, if relationships will make me happy, I'll take it.

Ivy: I feel uneasy hearing this. A loving relationship will help you to love yourself more for sure - we’re all imperfect, and we all continue to evolve constantly. But I don't chase happiness, it is short-lived and I can't imagine good relationships without giving something first. In fact, I want to feel content and be with a present partner.

He waited for a few moments, carefully thinking about what they were talking about. Next, he took her hand decisively and said:

Vincent: We’ll create happy moments together.

In the evening, when Ivy was back at her place, a message appeared on her screen: